The Honeymoon's Over
by LanieSullivan
Summary: After watching Amanda fight for her life in "Mission of Gold" Lee starts reflecting on their past and thinking about how to make sure she stays safe in the future.
1. Chapter 1

AN: This is my first SMK fanfic in more than ten years. This is the show that originally started my fanfiction obsession so I thought that I would write something new in commemoration of the show FINALLY being released on DVD. Woo-Hoo! It's set immediately after the events of the ep "Mission of Gold" and is told mostly from Lee's POV in the aftermath of nearly losing the woman he loves. This will probably be 4 or 5 chapters long. I hope you enjoy it. For those of you reading my GG fics, I'm still working on them too. I'll be out of town with my hubby while he bowls in a men's tournament and I'm taking my laptop with me so I'll have plenty of time to write while he bowls. Since, as I mentioned this is the first SMK fic I've written in a decade, please be kind.

Lanie

* * *

Lee Stetson sat gingerly on the edge of his wife's hospital bed trying not to disturb her sleep. He knew that she was out of the woods now and was about to be released from the hospital and that that meant her mother would soon be taking her home to Arlington. Thinking of her zany mother made him reflect back on her words from a few days ago; _who did this…it doesn't make any sense. _It made sense to him. He and Amanda had been constantly dodging bullets together for almost four years. He'd always promised himself that he'd keep her safe. He'd failed in his job to protect her. Maybe it was chauvinistic of him to think of himself as her protector when she was more than capable of taking care of herself. After all, she'd been a single mother of two for a year before they'd met and had been single-handedly caring for and raising two boys with no help from their ever-disappearing father since then. From the stories she'd told about her first marriage he got the impression that she'd been acting as a single mother even before the divorce. He wanted to wring Joe King's neck for abandoning his wife and children. He looked down at Amanda and wondered how any man could walk away from her like he had. In one way, it had been a good thing. He'd never have met her if her first husband hadn't left her to pursue his career. He still wanted to kill him for hurting Amanda and deserting his sons. He could do it too. From all his years of experience as a field agent, he knew all kinds of ways to torture a man with no one being the wiser.

He shook off the nagging thoughts of Amanda's ex-husband and all the things he'd like to do to him for failing her. Chauvinistic or not, he couldn't help thinking that in this particular moment, Lee himself was the one who had failed her. He'd let her get hurt when he should have been watching out for her. He couldn't stand seeing his strong, beautiful wife broken like this and fighting for her life like she had been these past few days. He knew that she was safe now, but what would happen in the future the next time he wasn't able to protect her? He thought of the two young boys she had at home to take care of. Would he one day have to tell them that Mommy wasn't coming home? They were only eleven and thirteen. How would they take something like that, especially when their mother was the only real parental figure they'd ever had? He knew that their grandmother had always been there for them, but that wasn't the same as having their mother there.

Thinking of their grandmother brought his addled mind back to Dotty. Her words kept running through his head over and over again. _It doesn't make any sense. _He knew that she was confused and angry. He'd never wanted to tell her the truth about himself and her daughter more than he had in that moment. It has struck him then that she was his mother-in-law now and she didn't even know it. Nobody they knew was even aware that they were a real couple. Sure, Billy had insinuated several times that he knew the two of them were more than just partners, but he didn't have a clue that they were married. Neither did her mother or her children.

He tore his gaze away from Amanda for a moment and glanced over at his mother-in-law who was still sound asleep on the tiny couch in the room and sighed. He reached into his pocket and pulled out the shiny gold band that he knew he couldn't openly wear. He slipped it onto his finger and simply stared at it. He marveled at how much he liked seeing it there and longed for the day that he could wear it all the time. He closed his eyes and once again began to imagine what his life with Amanda could be like if it weren't for The Agency. He had once envisioned them having a larger house out in the country with room for horses and a real family life. He'd even imagined them one day having children together, if she was open to the idea of having more kids. _Who am I kidding,_ he thought. There weren't going to be horses or kids or a country home for them. They were never gonna have that normal life.

Amanda's faint voice saying his name shook him out of his reverie. He hastily slid his wedding band off of his finger and shoved it back in his pocket where it would stay hidden in case her mother was awakened by the sound of her voice. He gazed down at his wife who was just opening her eyes.

"Hi," he said with a smile grateful to see her soft brown eyes staring up at him when they had been closed so much the last few days. He'd been terrified as he'd watched her fight for her life that he'd never see that again. "How are you feeling?"

"Ok," she said though she winced a little as she tried to sit up. He leaned over to help her rise to a sitting position. "Is Mother still here?"She asked looking around the room.

"Yeah," he said gesturing behind him to the couch where Dotty was sleeping. "She conked out about an hour ago. She's been fighting it for a while. She finally relaxed when the doctor told us you were going make it."

"So, it was a pretty close call, huh?"

"Yeah, it was," He answered. He thought back to the doctor's words after she'd first come out of surgery. _Fraction of an inch either way and she wouldn't have had a chance. _He'd heard a lot of scary words during his tenure at The Agency, spoken by terrorists and KGB agents hell-bent on killing him, but those words spoken by that doctor were by far the scariest. He couldn't lose Amanda. Not after everything they'd been through together. They'd dodged bullets and bombs and thwarted enemies many times together and had always looked out for one another. They'd spent three years dancing around their feelings for each other before finally admitting that there was something there. Then they'd spent almost another year sneaking around and trying to hide their feelings when they were around others, stealing little moments of time together here and there when they weren't being chased by bad guys. Now they were married, but it didn't feel like it.

"I must look a mess," she said.

Lee couldn't help but chuckle a little at the thought that after staring down death, Amanda was worried about how she looked. "You look beautiful," he said without hesitation. He didn't care that her face was pale or that her thick curly hair was flattened by being in bed for so long, just the mere fact that she was alive was beautiful to him.

"Liar," she said as she gestured for him to come closer. He leaned in and kissed her softly mindful of the fact that she'd just had a gaping hole in her chest repaired and trying not to hurt her."I love you," she said as he pulled back.

"I love you, too," he said he eyes watering as he thought of how close he'd come to losing her. Not wanting her to see the tears that had formed in his eyes he stood and said, "I should go find the nurse and let her know you're awake."

"Lee," she protested not wanting him to go yet, but he resolutely walked away not wanting her to see him like this. He knew that it would only cause her to worry and she had to concentrate on getting better so she could go home to her boys.

Lee stepped out into the hallway and leaned against the wall feeling all his strength ebb away. He'd been awake for more than thirty-six hours, but that was nothing unusual in his line of work. It wasn't the physical exhaustion that was killing him, but the emotional drain the last few days had caused. Seeing the woman he loved struggling for every breath was worse than a knife wound to the gut and he should know, he'd had a few of those too. He recalled vividly the sheer panic when she'd temporarily stopped breathing and the way that Dotty had clung to him in her worry and her elation when the doctor had told them that she was going to be just fine. He chuckled ironically and wondered if she'd have been that chummy with him if she knew the real reason that they were here in Las Palmas. This was supposed to have been their honeymoon. They were supposed to be doing stupid stuff like holding hands on the beach and having romantic candlelit dinners. He supposed he wasn't really surprised by this turn of events. It seemed that something always kept them from having the kind of life they wanted to have together. Hell, they couldn't even have a normal Christmas together. He remembered his sardonic comment to her this past Christmas when they'd been held hostage in the Titan Toys plant, "Just another Christmas Eve, trapped in a nest of killers."

Lee pulled himself away from the wall and glance into Amanda's room where she was now talking animatedly to her mother who had apparently woken up. She didn't seem the least bit worried or upset by the fact that she'd nearly died. On the contrary, she seemed happy that she was still alive. "_That's my Amanda," _he thought. She had a knack for taking the grimmest situation, even something life or death and finding something positive to focus on, just like she had last Christmas. She'd even told him not to stew on the fact that they were in yet another jam and had pointedly reminded him of the Christmas three years before when they'd been surrounded by a Russian army but had been saved by a little Christmas magic. That was just one of the many things he loved about her, her uncanny ability to always look on the bright side, no matter what the situation. He didn't have that. Even though she was safe, he couldn't stop dwelling on the fact that she wouldn't have been in this situation if it hadn't been for him. He was constantly putting her in danger and he couldn't keep doing that. He didn't know what to do, but he knew it had to stop. He tore his gaze away from his smiling bride and went off to find a nurse as he'd said he was going to do, his worries of how to keep her safe in the future plaguing him.


	2. Chapter 2

AN: I want to say thank you to all of you who have read and reviewed this story. I deeply appreciate it. I also need to apologize for not getting this posted sooner. I've been going through this totaly upheaval at work which has left me mentally exhausted at the end of the day and not much in the mood for writing, but I have today and tomorrow off so I'm hoping I can use the time to catch up on this and my other two unfiinished stories. Sorry for the long delay. I know from experience that the lack of SMK fics out there is frustrating. Hope you like this.

:)

Lanie

* * *

After finding the nurse who's been tending to his wife, Lee had found the nearest pay phone and dialed Billy's private office number to give him an update on Amanda's condition. He was mid-way through the conversation when he saw Dotty being hustled out the door by the overbearing nurse.

"So, anyway, they're checking on her now and if everything continues to look good, they'll be releasing her. If that happens we should be back in SC in a few days," he was explaining.

"That's good to hear. I'm glad she's ok."

"Yeah, me too," Lee replied but he still couldn't shake the feeling that she never should have been in any danger to begin with and it was his fault that she constantly was.

"See?"Francine, who was on speakerphone with Billy, crowed triumphantly. "I told you she was strong and that she'd be fine. I don't know why you ever doubted me."

Lee couldn't help but chuckle a little at the tone in Francine's voice. Leave it to her to find something to gloat about in a situation like this, although he'd heard the slight panic in her voice when he'd first told them about Amanda being shot and she hadn't sounded so sure then. "Yeah, you owe me a big 'I told you so', when we get back," he said.

"I'm gonna hold you to that," Francine replied smugly.

"Is there anything you need from us Scarecrow?"Billy asked.

"Well, I don't, but Amanda's going to need a little more time off so she can recuperate. She should still have some vacation time left that she hasn't used. If you could arrange that…"his voice trailed off unable to finish the thought. What he wanted more that anything was for her to take a permanent vacation from The Agency. He didn't want her to be put at risk anymore, but he knew that she was too stubborn to quit. That didn't mean he couldn't try to keep her out of the line of fire for at least a little longer, though.

"Already done," Billy said. "I figured she'd need more time already."

"Thanks, Billy," Lee replied to his long-time friend before turning to glance at Dotty drop wearily into a chair in the corridor looking utterly exhausted. "Listen, I need to get off here so I can be available when they're done checking up on Amanda."

"Ok, keep us posted," Billy said.

"Will do," he said as he hung up the phone and walked over to the row of chairs outside Amanda's hospital room and sat next to his mother-in-law. He leaned his weary head against the wall and momentarily closed his eyes as he thought of the very scary events of the past few days. He vividly recalled the panic he'd felt when he'd seen the doctors and nurses rushing toward Amanda's room and heard the terrifying words 'code blue.' When Amanda's heart had stopped, he thought his would too. He shook off the haunting memories. She was alive now and that's what mattered. He turned to his mother-in-law and asked, "So, did Nurse Ratched toss you out?"

Dotty laughed a little and said, "Yeah, she did." She was silent for a moment before turning back to Lee with a probing stare and saying,"Can I ask you a question, Lee?"

"Shoot," he replied.

"What exactly is going on between you and my daughter? I mean, I know that you've been working together for quite some time and that you've been seeing each other fairly regularly for a while, and I know that she isn't seeing anyone else, but I sometimes get the sense that there's more to your relationship with her than she's willing to tell me. Now, I realize that Amanda's an adult and is free to make her own choices, but we are living in the same house and she does have two young boys to look after. I have to say though that she doesn't really let me in on any of the specifics, not that it's really any of my business, mind you, but I can't help but wonder where things stand between the two of you. I wouldn't really be any kind of decent mother, or grandmother for that matter, if I weren't at least a little bit concerned about my only daughter's future."

"Don't you need to breathe once in a while," Lee quipped as she ended her speech shaking his head a little. He definitely knew where Amanda got her talent for rambling from.

"Lee, I'm serious," she said. "With all that's happened, it's just made me worry more about her future. This shooting has made me realize just how fragile life is and you shouldn't waste any time making future plans with her, if that's you intention. _Is _that your intention? Have the two of you even talked about your future?"

Lee sighed as he realized that, much like her stubborn daughter, Dotty West was not a woman to back down when she wanted something. "Yes, we've talked about our future," he replied not willing to give any more information without talking to Amanda first. Dotty had a right to know that he was now her son-in-law, but it wasn't his place alone to tell her. It was something that he and Amanda should do together when the time was right. He had a feeling that if and when she ever found out the truth about the secret elopement, no matter how gently they'd try to break the news, she'd still be hurt by the fact that Amanda had married him without telling her about it.

"And?"Dotty probed but Lee didn't hear her. He was too lost in his own thoughts again. He was thinking back to the night that they'd decided to marry in secret. They'd both agreed that it was the right thing to do to keep Phillip and Jamie safe after seeing what his friend's family had gone through, but neither of them had even thought about or talked about the consequences of their actions. He wondered now how her boys would react to finding out that they had a step-father they barely knew. Granted, he'd been openly spending more time at the house lately to get to know them a little better, but they still didn't _really _know him. A horrible thought struck him in that moment. What if that had put them in danger all by itself? Regardless of whether or not they knew of their mother's marriage, just his presence in their lives could make them targets of his enemies. He was a spy and he knew that that meant while he was out spying on other people, anyone could be spying on him at any given time. He decided then and there that he had to stop openly spending so much time at Amanda's house. Dotty's voice broke into his thoughts. "Lee, I'm talking to you," she said impatiently.

"I'm sorry. I was just thinking," He said apologetically.

"It's not that difficult a question," Dotty replied annoyed by the fact that he wasn't any more forthcoming with information on their relationship than her daughter was. "In fact, it's very simple. What are your future plans with my daughter?"

"I don't know, Dotty," he replied honestly. The truth was, he really didn't. He thought he had it all figured out, but now he didn't know where they were going to go from here. Amanda getting shot out of the blue had made him realize just what a danger he was to her and to her children. Thanks to Billy, he was going to be able to keep her out of the field for a little while longer, but that wasn't going to last forever. Soon, she'd be completely healthy again and Billy wouldn't be able to justify keeping her on an extended leave. He had to figure something else out for when that day came. He glanced briefly at his mother-in-law as it hit him that she could be in danger thanks to him, too. After all, she'd just reminded him that they lived in the same house, not that he needed reminding, but it just made it all the more clear to him how reckless he'd been by letting his guard down around her and her grandchildren. Amanda could handle herself in dangerous situations, as she'd been trained to, but they couldn't. He was starting to think that he needed to distance himself from Amanda as much as possible to keep all of them safe from harm. "I just don't know."


End file.
